Try a Little Tenderness

February 18, 2018 by Charlie Hedges − 0 Comments

The most important freedom is freedom from your own self-judgment. Virginia Tugaleva

How many times have you heard someone claim, “I would never say the things to others that I say to myself”? How many times have you said that very same thing to yourself?

Your Impossible Set of Standards

My personal coach went so far as to tell me that I have set an “impossible standard of measurement” for myself. Gee thanks. And I thought I was just trying to do my best. How often do you set impossible standards for yourself?

Oh, there is certainly nothing wrong with maintaining high goals. The problem is not in the goal setting but in expecting with certainly that you will actually achieve those goals, at any expense; especially at the expense of your own self worth.

Character or Accomplishments 

When will we ever understand that our value as a person is measured best by who we are and not what we do? Your value to your family, friends, and colleagues is determined first by your kindness and character, and then by your actions or accomplishments.

One thing I know for sure: You Will Experienced Failure at both. Failure is simply part of life. The question is “what do you do with that failure?” Most likely that old nemesis, your judgmental self, jumps right in to do its devastating work. You find yourself falling into that space of some kind of blame or self-loathing for that failure—whatever it may be.

Try a Little Tenderness

Perhaps there is an alternative to blame and self-loathing. How about just a little tenderness? You know the reason that most of us set such high expectations is that there we live with an “inner child” in need of some sort of affirmation or approval. Instead of self-judgment all this child needs is a bit of tenderness and kindness.

Tenderness is not typically the first place we visit after a failure or miscue. In truth, it is likely that you don’t even consider tenderness in times of experiencing a failure of sorts, even when it is the most appropriate mindset!

Be Easier on Yourself 

Photo courtesy of ueuaphoto at istockphoto

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