Journal Entry:
Sometimes good habits are difficult to maintain. Today I’m thinking especially of my gym commitment and my daily morning routine. I just don’t feel like it. My laziness kicks in—that time when any project or task or errand is only a disruption to my laziness!
For instance, today I have to get a haircut, help my painter friend, and then attend her art show. All of it feels virtually overwhelming. Why? Because I can’t figure out what to wear to set up for my friend’s art show and then dress to attend the show.
Seriously. Clothing decisions feel insurmountable.
Boredom or Laziness
Really? C’mon. But it’s the truth. I was feeling so lazy that the simple act of getting dressed became a major chore.
Upon reflection I’ve concluded that, for me, laziness comes down to one of two issues: Either (1) I’m depressed, or (2) I am bored. I understand depression all too well, having survived it for 25 (sometimes severe) years, and I know I am not depressed. So… I must be bored.
Which is odd because I have SO many things going on with business, gym time, meetings, and all my website stuff. I have plenty to do. (Shoot, I’m even planning to start painting and drawing again.) How can I be bored?
Or Fear?
Perhaps boredom or laziness is only symptomatic of another greater problem—FEAR.
Yep. That’s it. I feel bored, but I think boredom is only masking a fear that I don’t want to face. Consider this: The opposite of boredom is not busyness, it is contentment. Busyness is just another way of escaping whatever fear is lurking around my muddled mind, while contentment is comforting.
Fear. Yes fear. It seems to be the driving force of so many human pathologies, such as anger and anxiety and agoraphobia and a bunch of others. All are fear-based pathologies.
What’s interesting for me today is that I cannot pinpoint the fear itself. Oh, I’m sure is has to do with the regular ole daily fears we all experience from time to time—failure, rejection, being valued, self-delusion (that I’m not really who I say and think I am and people will soon discover that I really am the great imposter). Haha. I could write quite a long list of fears.
Do you ever feel the same way? Lazy or procrastinating? And when you do, do you also feel guilty? As if you are worthless unless you are doing or accomplishing somenthing worthwhile? An unfortunate American stigma—the power of productivity. We live as if it doesn’t matter exactly what we produce as long as we are busy doing something.
Or Deeds of Caring
That’s just wrong. The value of your time on earth is not the number of things you make, but the number of people whose lives you impact. And when it comes to that you should have no fear because the only thing that really matters is that you care.
If you were caring for others perhaps there would be no place for boredom or laziness or fear or any other debilitating feelings. You would be free… to do what you want and when you want. Who cares if you are not super excited? You just do it, joy and contentment follows.
That’s what I did. I sponged off my laziness, grabbed some clothes and did my job helping my friend. The one fail-safe, for-sure response to laziness… get busy. FORCE YOURSELF to do something (anything) and before you know it you’re feeling okay. Seriously. A state of mind is only a state of mind which can always be impacted by “contrary-action.”
The Only Sane Answer
When feeling like crap, do the opposite of what you feel and allow yourself to be so shocked that you won’t even remember waking up with the blues.
Contentment in Doing Good
Always Trumps
Boredom or Laziness
Photo courtesy of 4×6 at istockphoto
