I was a “yes man” far too long. Ask me to be a member of a special committee. “Yes!” Need someone to manage a difficult project. “Hell yes. I’m your guy!” And then… if you didn’t ask, I’d probably volunteer.
It’s a sickness. A pathology. Some kind of insidious “need to be needed.” When I’d say, “I’m your guy” I really was your guy. Whatever I chose to do, I’d do well. Like really well.
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I was watching an old documentary on B.B. King. I’ll never forget his comment when talking about up and coming blues guitar players, “I likes to tell ‘em, “Don’t try to be the best one, just be a good one.’”
So the older guy is relaxing in his recliner reading the morning newspaper when his wife asks him, “What are you going to do today?” to which he quickly responds, “Nothin.” “That’s what you did yesterday,” she harped. “Yea,” he replied, “but I didn’t finish.”
Unfortunately, that’s a pretty rare state of being in our gotta-be-busy lifestyles today, especially if you have kids and more especially if those kids are in sports or dance or cheer or whatever else is out there to keep them occupied.
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“A Good Man is Hard to Find”
Not only is this the title of Flannery O’Connor’s most famous short story but, more important, it’s also the mantra of almost every unmarried woman in probably the entire world. When I was a minister to a thousand single adults it certainly was.
So what are the attributes of this “good man?” I imagine if I were to take a poll I would most likely find things like: kind, tenderhearted, responsive to need, loving, spiritual, faithful, sense of humor, and the like. Although many would never admit it, but good looking and in shape never hurts!
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TODAY there is one single greatest obstacle to my success in life. I CAN GET STUCK IN A LAZY RUT!!!
Before I semi-retired in 2010, or so, I was way too busy to be lazy. I had too much to do: my job (25 hrs per wk), coaching baseball (25 hrs per wk), volunteering at church, cooking for the family, devoting time to my wife and son (other than baseball)… the list goes on.
Then I slowed down… a lot: very little work, no baseball, my wife was working 50-60 hours per week, my son lived out of state… I had nothing to do. Worse, I was just too “stuck in a lazy rut” to find something to do. I didn’t even read. Get this: I stopped painting because I was too lazy to change my clothes. LOL!!!
I think I felt that if I wasn’t doing something really productive it wasn’t worth doing at all. Nothing was worth doing! I’m not sure what filled my days. I just didn’t feel like doing anything, except going to movies. I saw almost every movie that was out in those days.
So I sat around and whined about not having anything to do. I know, wah, wah, wah.
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I was sitting with a friend in a Mexican restaurant in Peoria, AZ-where the Padres and Mariners play Spring Baseball. He was experiencing one of those oh-so healthy periods of questioning the legitimacy of his faith tradition. He asked me directly, “Charlie, do you believe in God and what you’ve been taught about the Bible with 100% assurance?”
Such an easy question to answer; I responded, “Of course not!” I might believe 100%, but I can’t be 100% sure that my belief is “for sure.”
A bishop once told me, “Charlie, we confidently believe in our faith, but with modesty and humility, always knowing that we could be wrong.” There are indeed certain genuine universal truths but we, as finite humans, are incapable of grasping all the mysteries of God.
Christians are hypocrites.
But then so are Democrats and Republicans, Muslims and Buddhists and Jews, Green Peace and PITA, and yes, probably even the Dali Lama and Gandhi.
True Believers are always hypocrites. They can’t help it. It comes with the territory. There are only 2 ways to escape hypocritical behavior: (1) Be a perfect adherent to your belief system, or (2) be a bland, boring and mostly cowardly person that is really not committed to any philosophy, person, religion, or politic.
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I have a big thing about “time.”
Some people spend time to buy money. They’re the dealers of the world–always in search for “the deal.” They search the Internet endlessly for the best price, use coupons, shop on Black Fridays, drive miles to Outlet malls to get deals, and return items after it has gone on sale to get a lower price. All this takes time—a lot of it.
Others spend money to buy time. They know what they want and where it is sold. They buy it and go home. I’m one of those. Don’t get me wrong. On big items (cars and houses) I know the right deal, and will only spend time to save a lot.
You’re right. Ben Franklin (or whoever) didn’t put it quite like that. For some, this title may seem like the Procrastinator’s Dream. But for highly productive people it’s a lifestyle mantra that drives all they do.
You should only do today what you can only do today. Huh? In other words, some things are more important (not more urgent) than others. DO THE IMPORTANT THINGS! And don’t waste your time with the small stuff until you absolutely have to.
My goal here is to help you make room to discover and reinforce your personal authenticity. That requires concentrated reflection. When you are so busy with small stuff then you never have time to reflect. You really do need some time every day to simply be quiet, rest and reflect. And… if you don’t MAKE TIME you’ll never HAVE TIME to do it.
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Oops? Did I write it backward? I mean, isn’t it supposed to be, “Home is Where the Heart Is?” Well, yes… and no. The point here is something entirely different. The point is, your heart is the home, the seat, and the resting place of all that you are and all that you are intended to be. In other words, your heart is the true home of all your desires, passions, beliefs and needs.
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