“Real places are never captured in words. There is always more.” Erin Morgenstern, The Starless Sea

In his book The Teachings of Don Juan, Calos Castaneda, describes his medicine man/Shaman Don Juan, as instructing a new student not to leave the porch area of the retreat home until he finds “his spot.” No matter how long it takes. “Search and rest in various spots until you find yours,” commands the Shaman. As I recall it takes the searcher more than one full day find his spot—but he did

And I think we all have “a spot” or perhaps even a few of them, where we can find comfort in ourselves and with ourselves. There are spots in my home where I am most comfortable. But then there are also “places,” cities or regions that simply feel like you belong.
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“We must become hospitable to interruptions… Purposefulness requires paying attention, and paying attention means—almost by definition—that we make room for surprise… Our true purpose is fashioned in the crucible of interruptions.” Physicist Mark Buchanan (from Bill Britton, p 39)

For me, the three most detestable words heard at an upscale restaurant: “How is everything?” Especially when asked by a manager… frequently. Maybe if asked once perhaps the question is kind and even acceptable. But when I am queried two, three or more times I become irritable.

Don’t they understand my experience is not about them? If I don’t like something or desire service, I’ll let them know. From me, no news is good news.
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“True happiness is… to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future [or the past].” Seneca the Younger

In a writing curriculum that I am part of I was recently asked to describe, “The time in my life that I was most happy.”

Bad Question

In truth, I don’t even like the question. The response seems to assume that at some point my life was the very best it could ever be. After 70 years I have learned that is a dumb question. That’s because, for me, the answer will always be “right now is the time I am most happy with my life.” Even though today I am facing serious personal struggles, today is still the time in my life I am most happy.”
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“Those who love their own noise are impatient with everything else.” Thomas Merton

A Real Life Story

So I’m sitting in a restaurant alone doing what many of us do in such situations: I am eavesdropping on a conversation at the table next to me. It’s almost impossible not to, especially when people have louder voices.

Then the inevitable occurs: while one person seems to be dominating the conversation, I hear another voice saying, “That reminds me of when…” But the speaker refuses to give up. And so 15 to 30 seconds later I hear the same voice with the identical retort, “That reminds me of when…” And once again, that doesn’t slow down the lengthy conversant.
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“Make new deposits to the pleasant memory bank.
Let your life be a reason for others to live.” ― Somya Kedia

I was thinking just the other day, “How pleasant my life was.” It occurred to me then that the word pleasant seems to be a forgotten word in our common vocabularies. I like the word. Pleasant seems to connote a “calm sense of peace,” even while in the thrust of a marvelously understated happiness or joy.
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People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed… only if there is a light from within.  Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

My friend and best man, Wayne Herman, recently visited his father shortly before his death at 91. At the Memorial Service, Wayne told me, several people agreed that Carl always had an endearing “twinkle in his eye.” You never knew if he was up to mischief or if he was just feeling the beauty of life.
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“All [human] miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone.” Blaise Pascal

It was Descartes that proclaimed the ontological mystery, “I think. Therefore, I am.” But for me, it’s more like, “I think… and that is when the trouble begins.”

The Monkey Mind

Enter the Monkey Mind—that evasive beast who constantly interrupts me in my efforts to “sit in a quiet room alone.” I have found the monkey mind also to be my greatest foe in my attempts at meditation. I think it’s all about my incapacity to be genuinely “comfortable with myself.”

If you are not familiar with this ubiquitous beast it can simply be defined as mental chatter—the resistance of the mind to any kind of quiet or attempted focus on one thing only, without interruption. Like monkeys swinging from tree to tree, yipping and yapping along the way, the mind will do all it can to keep you from facing your deepest inner self.

The Difficulties of Silence

David K. Flowers writes,

The world would profit more if people would first confront their own anxieties and the things that cause them 1) to have filled every silence with meaningless chatter, 2) to stay constantly busy, and 3) to do anything to avoid being still.

Although I practice some form of silence daily, truth be told, I suck at it!

And yet, I know from reading the mystics and those that richly practice contemplative prayer, the benefits are truly otherworldly. But even the esteemed mystics of history past suffered greatly from what we call today the monkey mind, resulting in a reluctance to come face-to-face with both their demons and their divinity.

In January of 2020, my life was altered by an experience of sequestered silence. I attended a 10-day spiritual retreat, during which 6 of the days consisted of silence—no phone, no computer, no people, and even… no inspirational books to guide my thoughts. Just me in a room left in solitude to sit with myself.

The first three days were agonizing, but when I got into the flow of things I discovered a refreshing sense of deep peace within myself. And later, with the guidance of spiritual directors, I came way with a new sense of inner peace that continues 7 months later.

Gotta Practice

Having said that, please do not think I have conquered the beast. Monkey mind continues to get the best of me, and therein lies the real challenge. Practice, practice, practice.

Perhaps one day…

Your Inner Monkey Mind

The Greatest Foe to Enriching Peace

Photo courtesy of XXX at istockphoto

“In the waning days of the Western Roman Empire, Augustine described society as preoccupied with pleasure-seeking, selfish, and living for the moment.” Rod Dreher

Hmm. Sound like any culture you know today?

Before reading the quote above I wrote in my journal this morning…

My thoughts remain encumbered by the massive nationwide and worldwide challenges to my daily life: pandemic, racism, economic breakdown, and the moral state of the union decidedly enmeshed is selfish individualism.
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