Permission to Be You #6: More on Parental Expectations

April 25, 2016 by Craig Hewitt − 0 Comments

Hello everyone, and welcome to episode six. Last time we talked about the impact of expectations on childhood, and also went a little bit in depth in Charlie’s personal story.

This week we’re talking about parental expectations, because there is probably no expectation that is more influential.

There’s no doubt that a parent wants what’s best for their child. But there’s a point where you have to let them individuate. The power of parenting is in when you let the child go, and accept that it’s now their wings that make them fly, instead of your own.

First, Terry felt compelled to share a really great quote directly in line with today’s focus, by famous psychiatrist and writer, Alice Miller:

In therapy, the small and lonely child that is hidden behind her achievements wakes up and asks: “What would have happened if I had appeared before you sad, needy, angry, furious? Where would your love have been then? And I was all these things as well. Does this mean that it was not really me you loved, but only what I pretended to be? The well-behaved, reliable, empathic, understanding, and convenient child, who in fact was never a child at all? What became of my childhood? Have I not been cheated out of it? I can never return to it. I can never make up for it. From the beginning I have been a little adult. My abilities—were they simply misused?”

As a journey, it’s a paradox. The same activity can be helpful or destructive; it’s the perspective you take on it and how you manage it that are the deciding factors. Do you let it control or do you say “No, that’s not me”?

What are you empowering today? What if you were to sit down and make a brief list (nothing fancy) and just jot down the things you’re currently empowering that you might want to change.

We’ll talk about this more in future episodes, but we’re honored that you’re listening to us today and we truly appreciate your time!

Catch Charlie and Terry on their websites, and, with any comments, questions, or even just to say hello; they’re always happy to respond. Until next time!

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