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Permission to Be You #5: Overcoming Childhood Confusion

April 19, 2016 by Craig Hewitt − 0 Comments

There’s a sound that only you can make and there’s a light within you, but it can be buried under a bushel because of clutter and the expectations. It’s within us but it’s somehow hidden.

On this episode we continue to share some of our personal stories where the truth about expectations and their framework comes clear.

Charlie was pawned off from relative to relative at a very young age, starting with his mother. The story takes place from four to seven years old. He found himself being moved around from home to home, with no explanation.

As you can probably imagine, he had a couple of takeaways from that. First, he learned that he gave great first impressions.  Later, what he concluded was that he may give a good first impression, but that after that he’s a piece of crap who’s really not worth living in other people’s homes. He had this real acceptance problem; he didn’t feel accepted in love.

It’s an extraordinary thing that even at the age of four, we feel like we’re responsible for these things and that we are the reason why.

Charlie was finally taken in by his aunt and uncle and they immediately became his forever parents. His aunt Billy taught him that he was loved and accepted, and she had an incredibly gift of showing that she loved you even if you crossed the line.

Terry explains the importance of remembering that no one can take away your choices and your attitude. But we don’t realize it when we’re children, and we hand over that choice.

At some point, what Charlie’s aunt was doing was reframing his expectations. But with her the only expectation was that he had to be himself. She taught him that he was a talented person, and that he could do his thing and she supported him.

What we love about the whole journey of being your authentic self is that you have these people along the way that help you to reframe expectations, and it’s necessary to do that internally as well.

According to Terry, what it all boils down to is that it’s good to have hooks to hang your hat on. There are two parts of this process: understanding that the authentic Charlie is different from that expectation, and understanding the relevance and effect of boundaries.

Charlie’s aunt gave him a boundary, not an expectation. He could push against it all he wanted but he was still loved, worthy, accepted and valued. That’s the second part of the journey; the first part is whatever that expectation was to begin with.

You’ve gotta be able to name it: the message that came to you as well as the way you interpret it, and realize that doesn’t have to be who you are. And that you have advocates along that journey that will tell you: “Dude, that’s not you!” And those people are truly gifts to be appreciated.

We’re so pleased that you’re joining us on this journey and we really appreciate your company. Please feel free to drop Charlie and Terry a line on their websites, www.terryhershey.com and www.rightthings.com, with any comments or questions, or even just to say hello! Until next time, good hunting and good naming! 

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