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Depression: The Unholy Ghost

October 19, 2019 by Charlie Hedges − 0 Comments

“If many remedies are prescribed for an illness, you may be certain that the illness has no cure.” A. P. CHEKHOV, The Cherry Orchard

Thoughts on Depression:

It is from afar that I write this post on the “unforgiving malady” of depression. Nearly one year since my last encounter Jane Kenyon’s “unholy ghost,” I find it unnerving to even consider writing on the subject. To think of it requires revisiting hapless memories stored in locked rooms of my “Memory Castle.”

Sometimes listless and apathetic, one thing is for sure: it is downright, wholly consuming. A Darkness Visible types the keys and I dance, to the dissonant chords of another depression.

Jane Kenyon scribbles a poem as she ponders, Having It Out with Melancholy

When I was born, you waited / behind a pile of linen in the nursery, / and when we were alone, you lay down / on top of me, pressing / the bile of desolation into every pore.

And from that day on / everything under the sun and moon / made me sad — even the yellow / wooden beads that slid and spun / along a spindle on my crib.

And toward the end of the poem Kenyon resolves, “Unholy ghost, you are certain to come again.”


So What Now?

Whew. I’m glad that’s done. Delving so deeply into the throes of a depression, even after the fact, somehow seems to once again activate the agonizing feelings of the malady.

Let’s be clear that I am not talking about “sadness.” I fear that sadness often gets confused with depression. Sadness is more episodic in that it is usually related to a particular episode or event, whereas depression frequently seems to have no causality. That unholy ghost seems to sneak in and one is almost suddenly possessed by darkness and melancholy—for no discernable reason.

Marie Osmond has described her experiences suffering from postpartum depression in her book Behind the Smile: “I’m collapsed in a pile of shoes on my closet floor. I have no memory of what it feels like to be happy. I sit with my knees pulled up to my chest. It’s not that I want to be still. I am numb.”

I write this post for the friend who is suffering from or has suffered from depression. Rare is the person that understands the impacts of depression who has not spent entire days under the covers or feels totally disassociated from life. Like addiction, depression is only fully understood by those who have been through it.

I write because “I get it.” Know this… it will pass.

Photo courtesy of Milkos at istockphoto

#127 Charlie: An International Crisis-Diarrhea and Infant Mortality

October 15, 2019 by Charlie Hedges − 0 Comments

Show Notes 

 Today’s show will be a bit different from our normal “interview” format. Today I want to talk about how to begin saving the lives of more than 800,000 children under 5 worldwide. Although my focus will be on the country of Uganda win which I have worked for the last 3 years.

Last night I was watching a documentary on Netflix, titled “Decoding Bill’s Brain,” which is all about Bill Gates. While I thought the documentary would be kind of an overview of Bill Gates’ accomplishments a neuro-processes, it turned out to be quite different.

About half the show was on how Bill thinks and processes data, but the other half of the show was about a subject very dear to me personally: Diarrhea and Infant Mortality, which is a primary area of focus for the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.

Bill Gates, who seems to read about 15 books per week, discovered that Diarrhea kills approximately 2200 children every day—more than AIDS, malaria, and measles combined. That’s 800,000 children that die every year due to diarrhea.


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#126 Terry Hershey: Soft Hearts-Windows to the Soul

October 8, 2019 by Charlie Hedges − 0 Comments

Show Notes  

Today we are with our friend Terry Hershey and I would like to talk about his most recent Sabbath Moment post titled, See With Our Heart. Only I want to expand the topic to include how a Soft Heart can open a Window to Your Soul.

Throughout my life I have discovered, every now and again, moments that I call “Windows to My Soul.” Typically these moments occur for me when my heart is softened or even broken. Weddings are often joyful moments that soften my heart and allow me a moment to see past my conscious self and grant me entrance through those thin places that separate our conscious and unconscious selves (or into our soul).

However, I have also found windows to my soul most often occur in the tragic moments of my life: generally in times of some kind of grievous loss.

Let’s see what Terry has to say.

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Why “Talking to Yourself” is Essential

October 6, 2019 by Charlie Hedges − 0 Comments

“…because all the great people talk to themselves, of course…”
― Sarah Beth Durst, Conjured

So why is talking to yourself most frequently used to describe someone on the brink of going nuts or maybe even actually nuts, when “internal dialogue” provides such a healthy perspective on our thoughts, behaviors, and values?
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#125 Tim Timmons: Netflix’s “The Family” and “Jesus Plus Nothing”

September 24, 2019 by Charlie Hedges − 2 Comments

Show Notes 

Let me tell you Paul I am most excited about our show today with our very special guest, Tim Timmons—a man that shaped the fundamentals of my Christian belief system so profoundly that I still follow the precepts he taught me almost 40 years ago.

Now, forgive me for the, abut to come, longer than usual introduction but it is necessary to establish a context for our conversation with Tim.

In 1980, as a man leaning more toward atheism than any other faith system, I found myself in a challenge that required me to read a couple books in the Bible as means to disprove the precepts of Christianity I read The Gospel of John and St Paul’s Letter to the Romans. And in the process, I discovered an almost conversion experience just by reading the text. The Spirit of God led me to realize that there really was something to this Jesus thing. The person of Jesus, his goodness and his Godness overwhelmed me.

Very shortly after that experience my sister told me about an Easter Sunrise Service being held at the John Wayne Tennis Club in Newport Beach. Not one inclined to enter the rooms of a church, I felt safe in a tennis court.

It was then that I was confronted by an enormously powerful speaker that spoke of the same kind of Jesus that I had read about. After that message I was done. Jesus owned me. I wholeheartedly gave myself over to his grace and love. That speaker was our guest, Tim Timmons, who soon thereafter became my spiritual mentor, and as I said earlier, my life has never been the same since.

Since that day Timmons became the Founding Pastor of a church of close to fifteen thousand people called South Coast Community Church of which I became a minister after completing three years of seminary.

Today Tim Timmons is a much different kind of Christian leader after having been exposed in the late 80’s to Doug Coe and a group called The Family—a discrete group of Christian influencers with a profound impact on Washington DC, including congressmen and Presidents.

In fact, as we sit here today in September 2019, last month Netflix aired a 5-episode documentary titled The Family, which has become surprisingly popular (and, naturally, somewhat controversial).

So… enough introduction, let’s talk to Tim Timmons about his relationship with The Family and how it has profoundly impacted his life.

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